A True Weather Phenomena

After talking a year long hiatus from blogging, I'm finally back to a place to do what it is that I, as a writer of nothing, do best. Which is to twist and turn life's chaotic, unremarkable but sometimes homicidal, boring events into humor wordage for your reading pleasure. And as I write this from my trusty piece of crap blackberry, I keep receiving text messages from the weather channel. Not what I intended to write about today, but well, its just really pissing me off so I'm gonna write about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm the weather channels biggest fan, I kid you not. Apart from my passion for writing, I have a deep desire to be a storm chaser. And since I became the television antichrist, it is rather comforting to get these little updates reminding me (for the 47th time) that we are under a severe thunderstorm warning. But, just how many alerts are necessary for one storm? 3? 9? 40? 65,893,563??? If I could only figure out how to turn off these flipping text alerts!! Or just limit them possibly? Everyone knows, that when your phone beeps (or vibrates, I have tried them all!) You are secretly excited about the possibility that someone out there wants to talk to you, true?? But me? No... Its only the weather channel informing me for the 98th time that we're under some sort of threatening weather phenomena. Seriously, as if I could not tell by looking out the window of my humble but safe abode. I see the funnel cloud forming over head, and yeah, I'm heading for the sanctuary of my closet. Really, I got it. I survived Katrina, and Rita, and managed to come out alive...So please, Mr Weather Channel, can you please stop texting me? You are giving me false hope that I'm "somebody", and not just a loser victim of my own jobless and friendless persona. Thank you, its all I ask really.