Things I Don't Understand, Ya'll!

This is my "updated" blog, of the things that just don't make sense, and just ain't right. :)




1. Erectile Dysfunction.....Cialis, Levitra and Viagra, come on now. The commercials state, it you should "only take these medications if you are healthy enough for sex". Now, maybe I'm just misunderstanding it, but if you are not functioning well enough to "perform", SO much so that you visit your physician, then....you probably ARE NOT HEALTHY ENOUGH to have sex, just saying.



2. Nancy Grace.....Now, I happen to like Mrs. Grace. But it really gets on my ever lovin' nerve when she speaks to the viewers at home, as if we can physically hear her! And not only that, she refers to us as "people". But the kicker of it all? Why does she constantly call her panel guests by their first AND last names? As in: "Tell me, Scott M Smith, are you saying you agree with killing small animals..." For real Nancy, come on now, just stop it. You annoy me. I guess I don't really like her that much afterall.



3. Crimminals on C.O.P.S......Why why why do all the bad guys on C.O.P.S. run? Seriously, Mr. John Q. Crimminal in your bloody wife beater... we are watching video stream of your chase, that's being filmed from 3 helicopters following your every move. Do you honestly think you are going to out run it? Because frankly, if you are able to outrun those helicoptors, then I really want to meet you! I'll even post your bail. But in the mean time, please give us all a break here, and just get your hands behind your back, your wasting my tax dollars. Bad boy, bad boy, whatchu gonna do? I wanna miranda-ize you.



4. Valium..... How come everybody can't take it? America would finally be at peace, there'd be no more violence, and quite honestly, it wouldn't matter in the least who our flippin' President is! Just my own warm fuzzy thought. But that's just me, and I always want everyone on valium. Myself included.



5. Britney Spears, BiPolar and hair extensions..... ok ya'll!



6. Mean teachers..... Is there a special class for that? Because I majored in education for about half of a semester, and I never saw anything like that in the curriculum or on the syllabus. (not saying wasn't there, just that I personally didn't see it) So where is it? And how do I sign up? 'Cause honestly, the doctors won't give me any more xanax and well, I thought I might be able to teach a class like that. I'm not kidding.



7. Polygamy.....This is rather old news, but still to this day I'm baffled by it. Thinking back about the Texas compound polygamy abuse fiasco, I just had one or two things to say about it. Numero uno, what in the sam hell? Are you seriously kidding? As if having one bitchy wife isn't enough, you want multitudes of them? (that explains our nation's xanax shortage...) And to top that off, you want 47 children? Ok wow, because I have 2 kids of my own and don't even want them! These people are truly insane.... Maybe even more than Britney. I don't even care about the abuse, I just want to know why those idiot men want 7 wives and 95 kids!





8. Scientology..... I just have 2 words to say about this dumbfounding stupidity. Tom Cruise & Aliens.... Yep, thinkin' those two together in one sentence is waaay more than enough info to keep me away from this "religion". And for the record, it is not a religion. Get off the couch Tom, you irritate me.



9. Hurricanes hitting New Orleans.....Yes, we already know. We live in a place where our most productive industry is dumping bodies in the bayou, our favorite pastime is topless women on Bourbon, and our most famous celebrity is The Water Boy. But can't God just leave us alone already? We're flipping sorry, we know we're bad! But why did God have to send that swirling air blender named Katrina down on us, just to put an end to Mardi Gras. Was it giving Easter celebrations too much competiton? Fine! We'll tone it down! But most of us down here don't have any insurance and now all we have to do, is sit around bitchin' and complaining about living under water! (or go on tele-thons crying and singing, begging for money, whichever) Besides, Katrina was named after a nasty telephone call girl ho, just sayin...

"Union, Justice & Coonasses!"

10. Southern Slang..... Enough with the ridicule! Look, we get it, okay? We live here. We know we talk differently than ya'll, but why must America make so much fun of us? It's a really big deal for us to get to cross that state line. But the second we do, people gotta start pointin' and laughin'! Dangit, we don't know any better! Every single person we know talks like this, and it's just not funny. We say ya'll, and ain't, and fixin' to... and the spelling of our words are seriously jacked up with all the eaux's and stuff. We ain't got no counties, we got parishes. And yep, everyone of them starts with "Saint". But it's all we know so stop hatin' on us... Or my brothers Boudreaux, Thibadeaux and Bubba will git-er-done. And that's why we hide bodies in the bayou.