Spam Fun For ALL!! (or just me probably)

So today, being bored and unemployed and all.... I decided to clean out my AOL spam folder. But after reading through all the Subjects, I couldnt resist but to share it all with you. And of course, I must absolutely add in my own reflections on each one. Read on, my eager fans... read on. (and YES, each and every one of these, are actually what was sent to me)






1. $299 for 7 nights, 5 day - Sale! (sweet! I could really use a vacation! too bad it didnt say WHERE....bummer, sorry bastards)



2. Help With College Financial Aid? (thanks! I'll take all of it!)



3. Meet Me Tonight...I'm Married, Lonely and Sexually Frustrated! (yea, me too buddy, get the hell in line....)



4. Bowel Cleansing Trial, FREE! (whaaaa??? sign me up Scotty!!!!!!)



5. Military Report: Stoploss Compensation (what an outrage, I'm calling Congress right friggin NOW!)



6. We Have Anti Anxiety Medications! (are you damn psychic? send them to me!)



7. How Would You Like 10lbs of Delicious Bacon? (wtf? Send me 50!!)



8. 1 Carat Diamond Rings, 97% off (this is a trick, isn't it?)



9. Liz, Important Info on Paxil Users (about FRIGGIN time!!)



10. Liz, Add 3 Inches To Your Dick! (thanks... how'd you know?)



11. Viagra, Xanax, Valium, Codeine, Vicodin and Lithium are Yours, No Prescription! (WOO HOO! yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ALL freaking mine too!!!)


12. Do You Need Help In Bed? (gee, Im sorry, you'll have to ask my boyfriend about that...)



13. How Long Is Yours?? (how long is YOURS? I'll tell you if you tell me!)



14. Codeine Is Available At Your Fingertips... (so is my man...)



15. Our Records Indicate You Have Financial Aid Waiting! (Great! What's the damn hold up??)



16. ALL Your Favorite Medications Are Here, Liz! (no shit, ALL of them???)



17. Premium Business Cards, Only 1 Penny Each (which would come in handy, if I had a JOB)



18. Great Weightloss Medications! (just what every anorexic yearns for!!)



19. Serious Injuries Reported From Certain Birth Control Pills! (whew...glad I dont use THOSE! Birth Control injuries are freakin JACKED UP!)



20. Killer Prices at DFW (what the F do they kill? Planes or people??)



21. Use and Keep a Dell Laptop Computer (no thanks, I gotta Dell...and its a VIRALLY INFECTED PIECE OF SHIT! Give that crap to another victim...)



22. We Have Weightloss and Pain Meds for YOU, Liz! (oh well hell, why didnt you mention the pain part earlier? send me some!)



23. Anne, Scratch Beneath The Surface (Ima scratch your eye balls out for using my first name... just sayin. And the only thing this bitch scratches, is my boyfriend's back. Again, just sayin....)



24. View This Life Changing Breakthrough! (is it a job????)



25. You Have Received A Halloween Card! Click Here To Send One Back (NO?)



26. U Like It? I DO! (YES!!!!!!!!!!)



27. Mans Will Lov Thiss! (I think "mans" will love your English ability better)



28. Do You Need Help Falling Asleep At Night? (ohhhh...I do NOW!)



Much love,


Elizabeth :)