Advertising Slogans Turned On

Look, I don't pretend to understand or know exactly how my mind operates. I make no excuses for my vulgarity and my over-the-top writing. Topics and/or style. It is what it is, and I am what I am. Seriously, I don't know where the hell this stuff comes from. I've tried for years to figure out my brain..... with no luck. People say, "Don't ever stop writing!", "You're so freaking funny, you make me laugh!" - but the truth of the matter is, I really doubt they know just how twisted my mind really is!! But hey, I can't stop these creative juices from flowing......

Earlier, I was wondering (and reading labels while in the bathtub, yeah, I admit it! I'm a label reader!) And well, it got me thinking....(shut up) But as I was reading said labels, it occured to me that maybe I'm not the only sick fucker in the world!! Cuz lookie lookie what I FOUND!! Read on.....

ADVERTISING SLOGANS THAT, WELL....TURN ME ON!!!!!

1. Pert Shampoo - "Crazy Good Hair, Without All The Craziness"

.....(I'll take 3 of these to go, but I want the craziness part left in!!)

2. Got2B Blow Out Lotion - "This blow out lotion is Heaven on Earth. It doesn't get any HOTTER!"

.....(this one's referring to me, actually...just sayin.)

3. Caress Body Wash - "Showering with Caress will be like wrapping yourself in a silky soft pashima, surrounded by the exotic blend of white orchid milk and warm vanilla essence. Lather, breathe in and relax. Ignore all knocks at the door.

.....(F a bunch of ignoring knocks!!!! After this, come the hell on in and take me!!!!!)

4. Top Care Nail Files - "Using the pink buffer side, "stroke back and forth" to smooth ridges. Step 1 and 2 are only necessary every 2 weeks"

.....(um.... yea. I do step one and two DAILY, THANKS!!!)

5. Pantene Smoothing Conditioner - "Comb through with fingers, beginning at the ends and.....work your way up. Repeat as desired."

.....(I think the folks at Pantene are slightly confused, because...THIS IS FOREPLAY TO ME!!!!!)

6. Axe Body Spray - "Twist open top to reveal "nozzle". Spray all over body, to leave you smelling great all day, any day, anytime!"

.....(Baby? Can I twist your "nozzle" anytime, any place, any day, to leave you smelling great?)

7. Crest Toothpaste - "If more is used than for brushing teeth, and is swallowed, seek medical attention immediately."

.....(I'm totally down with ANYTHING that says call EMS if too much is swallowed....just sayin!)

8. Baby Powder - "Absorbs excess wetness to keep you smooth and fresh."

.....(niccccce!!)

9. Hydrogen Peroxide - "If using in the mouth, dilute with water. Swish around in the mouth, then spit out!"

.....(Oh HELL yeah!!!!! Let's do THIS!!!!!!!!!)

10. Bed Head After Party Lotion - "The Perfect Party Favor! Smooth on, and Party Down!"

.....(Effing freaks...myself included! I love this shit!)

11. Rusk Strong Hold Hairspray - "Contains Thermaplex. Which activates with heat to provide shine and control from the inside out!"

.....(I'm really loving this whole "from the inside out" business... these people are on to something!!!)

12. Rusk Gel FX - "A non-greasy formula that defines, directs and slicks! Hair brushes easily and springs back, full bodied and completely touchable!"

.....(seriously, I just LOVE stuff that "springs back"!! TOP OF THE LIST!!!!)

13. Pledge - "Did you know that Pledge is great for shining and polishing wood?"
.....(I can think of a few other things that do that as well, just sayin...)

14. Milk - "It Does A Body Good"
.....(I don't care for Milk, but I'm always down for ANYTHING that does a body good! Mine, yours, whomever's!!!)

15. Beef - "It's Whats For Dinner"
.....(Yeah, you right baby! I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

16. Chick-Fil-A - "Eat. Mor. Chicken."
.....(no, no, NO!! Go back to number FIFTEEN!!!!!!)


Again, I apologize for my deviant, twisted, but FUNNY mind!!
Elizabeth