Creative Chaotic Autistic Love

Well, my friends, it's been a while, hasn't it? I've just been so incredibly busy, that I have no time for blogging here lately.... So, it's Friday night, and I'm bored as..... thought I'd give you a little "Elizabeth's Life and Drama" fix. Oh, where to start.... I'll just start at the beginning. Seriously, do not spell check me, it's not your best look. After the kid's colonoscopies, and Keith went back to Guam to finish his deployment, I have managed to 1. Back into my garage door 2. Kill all of my stupid azaleas 3. Have a meeting at my son's school with nothing accomplished 3. Totally forget a doctors appointment for a biopsy (Which I had today, btw) 4. Spend 5 hours every night on homework with my 4th grader 5. Tick off my 80 year old grandmother 6. Create self induced drama that almost caused me to hire a divorce attorney :) , and last, but not least, find out that my baby boy has Asperger's Syndrome (We think). *collective sigh* So, here's my story: The other day, I was looking up on the internet about Autism. Just plain curiosity, after reading about Jenny McCarthy's son. The article, at the top read - Autism/Asperger's Syndrome. Now, I'm sort of familiar with Autism. We've all seen rainman, stuff like that, right? But "Asperger's"? That's a new one. Never heard of that. It's a form of Autism. High Functioning Autism.......Click. And I began to read. And now, my life will never be the same. Or maybe, the life of my son. Most of you who know me and my son, have probably picked up on his quirky behaviors. His social difficulties, grammatically perfect speech patterns, and his incessant questions about odd things: space, the temperature of the core of the earth :), snakes, computers, etc. And there are so more many things. Things, that for 9 years, have concerned me and bothered me, and yes, sometimes ticked me off! Now, it makes me incredibly sad, to know that I have been so frustrated over Alex's tendencies to the point of anger, and now, to learn, that he's special in his own way. So there I am, reading this article about Asperger's Syndrome. And my thought process comes to a screeching halt. Everything just stops... Time. Breathing. Everything. It's as if the person writing the article is writing about Alex. But how can that be? He doesn't know my baby! What the is this? Is this some sort of stellar practical joke? Symptom by symptom, I check them all off. He has almost every single one. My GOD. But seriously, not really, right? Nah..... So I do another search. I bring up another article. Read it again. And again. And then another one. Asperger's Syndrome. I let the name roll of my tongue, as I try my best to avoid tears. What do I do? I go outside, and ask my friend, listen to this!! Read this! What is this??? Do you think....... I mean, could it be possible? And then, we all kind of sit there, watching Alex. And in our minds, we know. I think back on every little quirk. The hair twisting. Finger rubbing. Even spinning his pacifier when he was an infant, almost compulsively. His "little professor" speaking. His knowledge of particular subjects, and the 865946578 million questions about only one thing. Religiously. Persistently. Compulsivley. Asperger's.......It's nice to meet you, and I'm glad you have a name. I thought I was alone. I thought my son was the only one. But, the more I read, I realize that there are so many other children just like him & I'm sad..... Sad for him. Sad that this isn't something that (we just assumed) he will "outgrow" with time. Sad that, the world is an ugly place to people like him. Sad that, I have misunderstood my child completely. Sad that, I could have helped him sooner, if I had only known. But how can I be sad, and glad at the same time? Who do I talk to? I need to know for sure if he has this..... My first thought, I need to talk to his teacher..... All these years. Wondering, wishing for some sign of normalcy with my baby. But it hasn't ever come. It hasn't. I wanted it to, I did. I wanted my son to have friends, and to play on the playground with other children, instead of just standing there alone. I wanted him to be able to ride his bike like the other kids, to stop asking me 937,000 times about the temperature of the core of the earth in comparison to the sun, and to stop struggling with almost every single thing he encounters. Alex, please please stop twisting your dang hair all the time!!!! To be almost 10 years old, and know that if a stranger offered him a ride to trick him, he would just go!! He doesn't understand. You can say it a million times, and he just doesn't understand! But he can't. And now I know why. Asperger's. One little word. And now, our lives will not ever be the same. I'm still trying to figure out if that's good, or bad. He hasn't been officially diagnosed.... yet. But, I know..... it's only a matter of time. He's so sweet. And so loveable. So naive. SO naive. And maybe now, I can learn to appreciate his quirks, instead of letting them make me angry. To just love him, and stop worrying about his difficulties all the time. It's not going to go away. It's who he is. And now, I think I can smile at his odd little eccentric ways, and know it's just a part of him. It's just who he IS. And he's wonderful. And brilliant. And eccentric........And I love him.