"Feel Goods"...Facebook Style

Having a mind that just won't quit can sometimes be a nuisance. Having a mind that is creative and twisted beyond measure is worse. Add in sarcasm and a passion for dramatical shock value with the written word? Welcome to my mind...

This day and age, there isn't a single person I know who doesn't use some type of social networking site. Except for this one guy named Jason... because he's afraid his wife will cut his throat. But this blog isn't about Jason. It's about Face Book; and my top list of things you can do on it to make you feel better. If you aren't a member of Face Book, don't read any further. You won't understand, just sayin. I've come up with a list, of certain things you can do on Face Book that are guaranteed to brighten your day, or make you feel better when you've been wronged. I'll just jump right in, here they are:

1. "Like" Your Own Status:
(this is purely for fun, and good for a laugh and has nothing to do with being "wronged", but it's terribly funny so I'm including it as things to do) "Status Liking", I feel, is just a cop out excuse for leaving a real comment. No effort involved, no brain use required. One simple click of the mouse. But to turn the tables on the like button, try this: After every single status update you post, turn around and "like" your own status. Everytime!! It's a double whammy in the world of self love. We obviously like what we post, but to turn around and "like" it as well, shows some serious extra conceited self love and arrogance! So go ahead, and "like" your own status update. Every single time.You'll feel better!

2. Face Book Killing:
This is actually a new concept, (and yea ok, stolen from a friend....you know the one) but I have to admit, it's just too sweet and classic to not utilize. Often! When anyone, whether an actual friend or just a virtual friend does something to piss you off... kill them; on Face Book. If someone posts something you don't agree with... threaten to kill them; on Face Book. When someone posts something so horribly stupid, and just isn't to your liking... tell them how ignorant they are, and then kill them; on Face Book. Example: someone posts an update that makes you seethe in anger. Someone says horrible things about you to other Face Book friends. Don't take that bull, just simply do this: Leave them a comment stating, "Do you know how (insert inappropriate adjective here) you are? I simple will not be your 'friend' any longer, you're an idiot, and an ASS! Consider yourself assassinated, because I just killed you... on Face Book!" - then delete them. You just performed a Face Book killing, well done my friend, well done.

3. Face Book Divorce:
Mad at your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, etc? Try this classic trick! Go into your display settings, and select the box allowing your relationship status changes to be made available for everyone to see when there's been a change. Without informing your mate, just point blank "cancel the realationship". Carry on with your day to day activities, and say nothing to him or her about it. And for pete's sake, do not delete them (yet) You want them to be blind sided when they see it... and they will. And so will everyone else on Face Book :) The next time they log in and visit your page, probably to leave you some little romantic "I Love You" wall post, they'll notice that you have "canceled the relationship", TWO WEEKS AGO! Congratulations, you just divorced your spouse; on Face Book. Now you can delete them...

4. Face Book Stalking:
Maybe you have a stalker in your midst. Someone who is getting all up in your Face Book business? Repeating your personal info to people that you just don't want told? It may take a little digging, but it won't be hard. Your traitor is obviously someone on your friends list, just use the process of elimination. You'll figure out a name soon enough. Once you have a name, post the following as your status update: "John Q. Stalker is a traitor and a backstabbing little pansy freaking punk. His  telephone # is (318) 465-9771 and his address is 200 Timber Falls Drive, Longview TX 75605..." Be sure to also include specific info telling exactly what this idiot has done to you and how you would like for your "real" friends to let him know how sorry he is as well...they can use the data listed to do just that. Tell them that in the post. Just remember to keep it under 420 characters, it's all you get. Bravo! You have just publicly outed and humiliated your stalker; on Face Book! The tables have been turned, now delete him...

5. The Face Book "Coup de Gras":
- a Face Book "ban", so to speak.
After every bad Face Book behavior, which has damaged, embarrassed, or hurt you in some form... you've completed a killing, the break up, posted their phone and address online, and performed a deletion. Now it's time to finish them off. Do the following: Find a picture of your harasser. (look around in your personal photos, your friends albums, etc.) Copy and save the image to your PC. Open whatever photo editing progam you have installed, and embellish the picture by drawing (or using paint) a large circle over their face. Add a diagonal line through the middle, to resemble a "ban" symbol. Preferrably using a bright color, such as red or orange to get the full effect. Log into your Face Book account, and upload the picture. Now set it as your default! You're almost done, start getting excited now! Make a new status post, to reflect the new image you're using, telling everyone who it is (and yea, use their name) and exactly what they did to you. After this is completed, and your page and status post is done, do this: send the "banned" picture to every one of your friends, and have them do the same. (your "true" friends won't hesitate... if any do, they are NOT your friend...start back up at the top of this list, and get busy) I give you a 100% guarantee, this person will get the lesson, and learn it well. (which would be - they can mess with anyone they like, it just won't ever be YOU again!!) This is the ultimate Face Book slam, you just virtually and visually "banned" your agressor; on Face Book! And now so did all of your friends :)

Happy Facebooking!!!  :)