Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Nobody Knows...
Its no secret that words move me. These aren't mine, they belong to Pink... but I could have written them myself. Words are power, and these are powerful; as they fit my mind brilliantly. Not to mention that her voice in itself is strong beyond belief.
Nobody knows,
Nobody knows but me, that sometimes, I CRY.
And if I could pretend that I'm asleep, when my tears start to fall,
I'd peek out from behind these walls.
Cause I think nobody knows... nobody knows. No.
Nobody likes,
Nobody likes to lose, their inner voice...
The one I used to hear before my life, made a CHOICE.
But I think nobody knows... nobody knows.
But Baby...
Oh the secret's safe with me!
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be!
And baby, don't it feel like I'm all alone?
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown,
And I've lost my way back home???
I think nobody knows, no... I said nobody knows.
Nobody cares,
That it's win or lose, not how you play the game.
And the road to darkness just has a this way,
Of ALWAYS knowing my name...
But I think nobody knows.
Nobody knows,
Nobody knows the rhythm of MY heart,
The way I do, when I'm lying, in the DARK...
And the world is asleep,
And I think nobody knows.
Nobody knows,
Nobody knows but me,
Nobody knows but me.
Me....
~Elizabeth, as sung by "Pink"
*our lives are about the choices we make for ourselves. Its simple, we are our own worst enemies, and our own best friends. Make your choice, own it, embrace it.... and then live it. For at the end of the day, the choices we make for ourselves, will either be our own downfall or our greatest success. Our happiness, or our destruction, lies within our own two hands.....
Nobody knows,
Nobody knows but me, that sometimes, I CRY.
And if I could pretend that I'm asleep, when my tears start to fall,
I'd peek out from behind these walls.
Cause I think nobody knows... nobody knows. No.
Nobody likes,
Nobody likes to lose, their inner voice...
The one I used to hear before my life, made a CHOICE.
But I think nobody knows... nobody knows.
But Baby...
Oh the secret's safe with me!
There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be!
And baby, don't it feel like I'm all alone?
Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown,
And I've lost my way back home???
I think nobody knows, no... I said nobody knows.
Nobody cares,
That it's win or lose, not how you play the game.
And the road to darkness just has a this way,
Of ALWAYS knowing my name...
But I think nobody knows.
Nobody knows,
Nobody knows the rhythm of MY heart,
The way I do, when I'm lying, in the DARK...
And the world is asleep,
And I think nobody knows.
Nobody knows,
Nobody knows but me,
Nobody knows but me.
Me....
~Elizabeth, as sung by "Pink"
*our lives are about the choices we make for ourselves. Its simple, we are our own worst enemies, and our own best friends. Make your choice, own it, embrace it.... and then live it. For at the end of the day, the choices we make for ourselves, will either be our own downfall or our greatest success. Our happiness, or our destruction, lies within our own two hands.....
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Things I Love, Things I've Learned
On occasion, I sometimes quote others who have impacted me. I love quotes, and the meaning that they induce to my soul. However, this is not one of those times..... these are all mine, straight from the heart.
~ I love the blinding whiteness of the snow, when standing atop a mountain at the edge of a ski run...when the only thing you hear is silence. That one thing, takes my breath away, no matter how many times I experience it.
~ I've learned that yes, sometimes you just have to shut up and be quiet. You can say more with your silence, than you ever can with your words.
~ I love the smell and feeling of clean sheets straight from the dryer. Nothing feels better than clean sheet Sunday.
~ I've learned to appreciate my strengths.... but more importantly, I've learned to appreciate my weaknesses.
~ I love that I have no set handwriting. Each time I write, something totally different comes from my hands.
~ I've learned to never, ever, take the little things in life for granted. Usually, they're all we get.
~ I love my humor. Yes, it's true. And not only do I love it, I'm proud to have it.
~ I've learned how to be at peace....deep within my own soul. It was an incredibly long and painful journey, but the arrival was totally worth it.
~ I love standing up for what's right, even when it means that most of the time, I'm left standing alone.
~ I've learned to never keep hurt inside. Always speak up. But do it softly.
~ I love doing small things for other people to make their day just a little bit brighter. Trust me, by doing so, your day will become even brighter than their's did.
~ I've learned that the old saying really IS true.... it is never, ever ever, too late to simply say, "I'm sorry".
~ I love rock and roll, Ed Hardy, designer handbags and tattoos! oh, and money. :)
~ I've learned that in order to let go, you have got to forgive all. Forgive those who have wronged you, forgive those who have hurt you, forgive those who have destroyed you.... but first, forgive you.
~ I love hearing my children simply say... "I love you mommy"
~ I've learned that reaching out to others, is sometimes not only important, but necessary. Find someone who has a hand out reaching, and grab it. Even if it's your own.
~ I love that I love the little things.
~ I've learned that the ability to get back up, doesn't come from strength, it comes from peace.
~ I love that no matter how much hurt I've been dealt, no matter how many scars I've received, I still have the ability to love back. Over and over again.
~ I've learned that the best days spent, are in solitude. You just can't go wrong being your own best friend.
~ I love that the best things in life may not be free, but they sure are cheaper!
~ I've learned that when life rains on your parade, there's always the Slip N Slide.
~ I love music. It warms my heart and moves my soul.
and lastly.......
~ I've learned that you can never stop learning.... from everything, and everyone.
~ I love the blinding whiteness of the snow, when standing atop a mountain at the edge of a ski run...when the only thing you hear is silence. That one thing, takes my breath away, no matter how many times I experience it.
~ I've learned that yes, sometimes you just have to shut up and be quiet. You can say more with your silence, than you ever can with your words.
~ I love the smell and feeling of clean sheets straight from the dryer. Nothing feels better than clean sheet Sunday.
~ I've learned to appreciate my strengths.... but more importantly, I've learned to appreciate my weaknesses.
~ I love that I have no set handwriting. Each time I write, something totally different comes from my hands.
~ I've learned to never, ever, take the little things in life for granted. Usually, they're all we get.
~ I love my humor. Yes, it's true. And not only do I love it, I'm proud to have it.
~ I've learned how to be at peace....deep within my own soul. It was an incredibly long and painful journey, but the arrival was totally worth it.
~ I love standing up for what's right, even when it means that most of the time, I'm left standing alone.
~ I've learned to never keep hurt inside. Always speak up. But do it softly.
~ I love doing small things for other people to make their day just a little bit brighter. Trust me, by doing so, your day will become even brighter than their's did.
~ I've learned that the old saying really IS true.... it is never, ever ever, too late to simply say, "I'm sorry".
~ I love rock and roll, Ed Hardy, designer handbags and tattoos! oh, and money. :)
~ I've learned that in order to let go, you have got to forgive all. Forgive those who have wronged you, forgive those who have hurt you, forgive those who have destroyed you.... but first, forgive you.
~ I love hearing my children simply say... "I love you mommy"
~ I've learned that reaching out to others, is sometimes not only important, but necessary. Find someone who has a hand out reaching, and grab it. Even if it's your own.
~ I love that I love the little things.
~ I've learned that the ability to get back up, doesn't come from strength, it comes from peace.
~ I love that no matter how much hurt I've been dealt, no matter how many scars I've received, I still have the ability to love back. Over and over again.
~ I've learned that the best days spent, are in solitude. You just can't go wrong being your own best friend.
~ I love that the best things in life may not be free, but they sure are cheaper!
~ I've learned that when life rains on your parade, there's always the Slip N Slide.
~ I love music. It warms my heart and moves my soul.
and lastly.......
~ I've learned that you can never stop learning.... from everything, and everyone.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
How To Thumb Your Nose At A Tornado!
So yeah..... living in Louisiana we have our fair share of tornados. Maybe not as many as Dorothy and her little red slippers, but we do get quite a few. Tornados fascinate me really. I love weather, it excites me! Usually, down here, we get crazy weather in the Spring. Ironically it usually falls on Easter weekend, I suppose it's God's little way of saying "hello, you've been a naughty little girl haven't you?" Hell, who knows.... I don't claim to have life's answers, I just break the rules. Just sayin...
Last Thursday, out of nowhere, we got about 7 tornados all within about a 10 mile radius. Not to mention about 75 inches of rain. Levees broke, homes were flooded, and schools were closed. But last Thursday night, during this horrific event, what do I do? Yep, you guessed it! I played on Facebook, giving my own little weather updates, basically mocking what the forecasters were saying. And actually, I set a new Facebook record, receiving almost 400 posts on one status update.... in two hours. I'm just that good, really. I'm a Facebook celebrity, or at least that's what my friends tell me, if you will.
So I've composed a list, of some "things" YOU can do, when faced with a Tornado and you just don't wanna hunker down in such a confined space of like, uh, your closet!! :) So here you go, just my funny take on having fabulous effed up time in a Tornado!
1. Stand in your driveway listening for a "freight train". When you hear it, wish like hell you actually lived near some railroad tracks.... :)
2. Eat an entire box of Ding Dong's that you snatch out of your terrified little children's hands.... :)
3. Drink...heavily. Booze makes it all better. :)
4. Play on the internet all night long, ignoring what they say on TV. Assuming you still have power.... :)
5. If your power goes out, break out your METAL ladder and climb up your electric pole and try to jimmy that shit back on.... :)
6. Get out your kite, attach a bunch of keys to the tail, head for the nearest open field for some fun.... :)
7. Climb a cell tower to get a better view.... the taller the better. :)
8. Drink some more... :)
9. Refuse to get away from windows and/or glass - REBEL from it all! :)
10. Take your kids to the park - you'll have the swings and slides all to yourself! :)
11. Think like "The Matrix".... there IS no tornado. :)
12. Wish you lived in a trailer park so finally, you can see some damn ACTION.... :)
13. Tell all your friends and family that you're all about to die.... :)
14. Call Kanye West and tell him you really enjoyed the Grammys! :)
15. Sit outside in your vehicle to keep your phones charging... you just gotta stay connected to Facebook, right??? :)
16. After drinking quite a bit, get your friends together and dress up like zombies to scare the Tornados away... :)
17. Head out for a leisurely drive.... WITH your kids! :)
18. Make up lies about the destruction of certain buildings in your town and also that people are looting and shit. Post it on Facebook and then laugh at what happens next.... :)
19. Leave your children at home unattended, to go buy more booze and smokes.... :)
20. Call the Post Office and demand your mail be delivered on time! STAT! :)
21. Laugh at your friends who just told you that they recently canceled their flood insurance.... :)
22. Live a little, and smoke crack.... unlike the Tornados, it really WONT kill you! :)
23. Make fun of the local newscasters - on whatever social networking site you use. Do it simutaneously, as they report, so do you! :)
24. Defy nature... take your family to dinner. :)
25. Stand in your front yard, with the winds howling around you as you hear that freight train coming.... and raise two arms up as high as you can, and FLIP IT THE EFFING BIRD!!!!!!! :)
26. Prank call people and tell them that there's been a terrible mistake.... there isn't really a Tornado. Call them back 5 minutes later and say, "Just kidding!!!! TAKE COVER NOW!" :)
27. Call your family and friends, and tell them that you, along with them, just died and everyone's in Hell together.... :)
28. Laugh when you think about the next day, when you'll be driving around local neighborhoods with your camera taking pictures but not offering to help anyone.... :)
29. Find the worst damaged area possible and get out of your car. Walk up to folks and say, "Damn, your shit is way more fucked up than mine!" Then laugh get back in your car and leave... :)
30. Laugh at your spouse as he lies sleeping and snoring soundly on the couch nearby.... and think to yourself, "I wonder if he knows he's about to die???" Then tell all your friends you thought such a thing, so they can laugh too! :)
32. Blame the weather on Al-Queda... :)
33. Take all the credit for the destruction of the downtown Methodist's churches steeple collapsing by saying, "That steeple stuff, yeah.... that was me" :)
34. Post on Facebook that you are glad that church's steeple didn't fall on YOU, like it did to that one guy, cause you are NOT in the mood to hear no damn "I told you so's!!!" :)
35. Take the credit for ALL the weather, and say "See what happens when I get angry!?" :)
36. Threaten the local pizza place with legal action, when even THEY are smart enough to stay off the roads during this catastrophic weather and refuse to deliver your food.... :)
37. Never actually do ANY of this, because when the next Tornado rips through your town, God will seriously see to it that you get paid back tenfold.... same as he's gonna do to me, for having such wicked thoughts..... :)
Here's to a tornado coming your way, enjoy!
Elizabeth
p.s. Feel FREE to add your take and or other things to do in my comment section, you don't have to be a subscriber to comment me, so go ahead cuz you know you want to. :)
*I would personally like to thank the following Facebookers, who are not only my friends, but are almost as sick and as twisted as me.... almost. Thank you guys for a GREAT night of fun and 383 comments!
~Tracy Agostini
~Randy Yorba
~Kim Yorba (who didn't post cuz I didnt get the request until afterwards, but was there in spirit!!) Muah!
~Deanna Fallon Antee
~Bryan Doles
~Debbie Fulmer Huckaby
~Amanda Camille Gates
~Ronny C. Lynn
~Trista Kempf Fredieu
~Sherry Roche
~Eric Farquhar
~Kim Farquhar
~Dondi Wilson
~Kenneth Webb
~Amy Navarre Herlant
~Scott Griner
~Melissa Brown Hayden
~Mr. Ray Thorn (who actually didn't post, but was working behind the scenes with me making stuff up!)
Last Thursday, out of nowhere, we got about 7 tornados all within about a 10 mile radius. Not to mention about 75 inches of rain. Levees broke, homes were flooded, and schools were closed. But last Thursday night, during this horrific event, what do I do? Yep, you guessed it! I played on Facebook, giving my own little weather updates, basically mocking what the forecasters were saying. And actually, I set a new Facebook record, receiving almost 400 posts on one status update.... in two hours. I'm just that good, really. I'm a Facebook celebrity, or at least that's what my friends tell me, if you will.
So I've composed a list, of some "things" YOU can do, when faced with a Tornado and you just don't wanna hunker down in such a confined space of like, uh, your closet!! :) So here you go, just my funny take on having fabulous effed up time in a Tornado!
1. Stand in your driveway listening for a "freight train". When you hear it, wish like hell you actually lived near some railroad tracks.... :)
2. Eat an entire box of Ding Dong's that you snatch out of your terrified little children's hands.... :)
3. Drink...heavily. Booze makes it all better. :)
4. Play on the internet all night long, ignoring what they say on TV. Assuming you still have power.... :)
5. If your power goes out, break out your METAL ladder and climb up your electric pole and try to jimmy that shit back on.... :)
6. Get out your kite, attach a bunch of keys to the tail, head for the nearest open field for some fun.... :)
7. Climb a cell tower to get a better view.... the taller the better. :)
8. Drink some more... :)
9. Refuse to get away from windows and/or glass - REBEL from it all! :)
10. Take your kids to the park - you'll have the swings and slides all to yourself! :)
11. Think like "The Matrix".... there IS no tornado. :)
12. Wish you lived in a trailer park so finally, you can see some damn ACTION.... :)
13. Tell all your friends and family that you're all about to die.... :)
14. Call Kanye West and tell him you really enjoyed the Grammys! :)
15. Sit outside in your vehicle to keep your phones charging... you just gotta stay connected to Facebook, right??? :)
16. After drinking quite a bit, get your friends together and dress up like zombies to scare the Tornados away... :)
17. Head out for a leisurely drive.... WITH your kids! :)
18. Make up lies about the destruction of certain buildings in your town and also that people are looting and shit. Post it on Facebook and then laugh at what happens next.... :)
19. Leave your children at home unattended, to go buy more booze and smokes.... :)
20. Call the Post Office and demand your mail be delivered on time! STAT! :)
21. Laugh at your friends who just told you that they recently canceled their flood insurance.... :)
22. Live a little, and smoke crack.... unlike the Tornados, it really WONT kill you! :)
23. Make fun of the local newscasters - on whatever social networking site you use. Do it simutaneously, as they report, so do you! :)
24. Defy nature... take your family to dinner. :)
25. Stand in your front yard, with the winds howling around you as you hear that freight train coming.... and raise two arms up as high as you can, and FLIP IT THE EFFING BIRD!!!!!!! :)
26. Prank call people and tell them that there's been a terrible mistake.... there isn't really a Tornado. Call them back 5 minutes later and say, "Just kidding!!!! TAKE COVER NOW!" :)
27. Call your family and friends, and tell them that you, along with them, just died and everyone's in Hell together.... :)
28. Laugh when you think about the next day, when you'll be driving around local neighborhoods with your camera taking pictures but not offering to help anyone.... :)
29. Find the worst damaged area possible and get out of your car. Walk up to folks and say, "Damn, your shit is way more fucked up than mine!" Then laugh get back in your car and leave... :)
30. Laugh at your spouse as he lies sleeping and snoring soundly on the couch nearby.... and think to yourself, "I wonder if he knows he's about to die???" Then tell all your friends you thought such a thing, so they can laugh too! :)
32. Blame the weather on Al-Queda... :)
33. Take all the credit for the destruction of the downtown Methodist's churches steeple collapsing by saying, "That steeple stuff, yeah.... that was me" :)
34. Post on Facebook that you are glad that church's steeple didn't fall on YOU, like it did to that one guy, cause you are NOT in the mood to hear no damn "I told you so's!!!" :)
35. Take the credit for ALL the weather, and say "See what happens when I get angry!?" :)
36. Threaten the local pizza place with legal action, when even THEY are smart enough to stay off the roads during this catastrophic weather and refuse to deliver your food.... :)
37. Never actually do ANY of this, because when the next Tornado rips through your town, God will seriously see to it that you get paid back tenfold.... same as he's gonna do to me, for having such wicked thoughts..... :)
Here's to a tornado coming your way, enjoy!
Elizabeth
p.s. Feel FREE to add your take and or other things to do in my comment section, you don't have to be a subscriber to comment me, so go ahead cuz you know you want to. :)
*I would personally like to thank the following Facebookers, who are not only my friends, but are almost as sick and as twisted as me.... almost. Thank you guys for a GREAT night of fun and 383 comments!
~Tracy Agostini
~Randy Yorba
~Kim Yorba (who didn't post cuz I didnt get the request until afterwards, but was there in spirit!!) Muah!
~Deanna Fallon Antee
~Bryan Doles
~Debbie Fulmer Huckaby
~Amanda Camille Gates
~Ronny C. Lynn
~Trista Kempf Fredieu
~Sherry Roche
~Eric Farquhar
~Kim Farquhar
~Dondi Wilson
~Kenneth Webb
~Amy Navarre Herlant
~Scott Griner
~Melissa Brown Hayden
~Mr. Ray Thorn (who actually didn't post, but was working behind the scenes with me making stuff up!)
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Living Outside The Box....just a girl really
So today, I'm going to venture out of my norm, and give you all more than a "surface glimpse" of who I am, and a passing glance into my life. Call it a mini bio, if you will. But I had one hell of a night and well, I'm having a hard time finding my humor today. Bear with me...I'm a rambler.
I'm 36. Almost 37. And up until a few months ago, I thought I had my life pretty much figured out. I was seriously mistaken. I've lived a crazy and often chaotic life. Married for 14 years to a Master Sergeant in the United States Air Force, I have 2 kids, and 1 cat who thinks she's a dog. Currently, I'm going through a messy divorce as well. I've always been a writer. Words are beautiful to me, and I love being able to express myself through the written word. I just love how they sound. I see something on TV, read something in the news, or just hear a word or phrase coming out of a friends mouth, and before I know it.... Ive written 10 pages. And yes, I still use paper and pen. Old school.
But, I'm not here to talk about my writing. I'm here to tell my story: and this is it.....
I was molested at age 8, raped at 13; I guess you could say I've been through my fair share of pain. And you're right, I have. I was adpoted at birth, and my biological mother is a crack addicted, part time innmate. My real father, whom I never got the chance to meet, is deceased. I partied hard in school....which was my self medicated attempt at easing my pain, but only served to leave me scarred and a mother at 18 years old. But I'm a survivor....and I'm surviving.
Before marrying the man I'm currently divorcing, I was married once before to a cowboy punk who walked out on me one Christmas Day. I could have cried like everyone else, and honestly, I probably did shed a tear or two. But those tears weren't for the loss of a marraige, they were for the death of my child that I had just lost that same Christmas morning due to a miscarraige. No, the tears weren't for that cowboy, who just abandoned me and left me alone in my pain. They were for my unborn. But I'm a survivor.....and I'm still surviving.
Five miscarraiges later, and a new husband in the Air Force who I was supposed to grow old with, somehow I ended up in white picket fence suburbia.... with 2 children, a home, and a cat. I wasn't surviving any longer, I was "living". Thinking back now, and the lie it all became, I never fully expected my life to come crashing down on me the way that it did; so fast, and so hard. But it did, and miraculously, I still survived it.
It started off small. Little things, that although not easily overcome, were still somehow manageable. My daughter was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, my son with Autism. Between the 3 of us, we have life threatening allergies, heart conditions, and auto-immune disorders. We have a gastroenterologist, a cardiologist, an allergist, an opthamologist, a rheumotologist and an endocrinologist. And that's just to name a FEW! :) Yet, through it all, I simply "wrote". My thoughts to pen, my pen to paper. Letting those thoughts guide me through every turn, and every storm. I learned to turn inward, to rely on my own soul for wisdom, words and peace. Until August, it worked beautifully....we are survivors, and we are surviving.
But in August of 2009, while in the midst of planning a family move overseas to Japan with the military, I found out that my husband of 14 years had been molesting and abusing my daughter for 11 years. Life, as I knew it, came screeching do a dead halt. I lost my soul. I lost my family. I lost my strength, and for the first time, I also lost my words. Then, as fate would have it, I lost my job as well. I became blank. Void. Empty. Scarred, and terrified beyond measure. Grieving over a life I once had, but one that had been stripped away from me in a fraction of a second. Never to return again. My entire life was a lie, and now even the LIE was gone. And so I begin to ask myself, AM I really and truly a survivor? Because I'm losing my will to survive....
Since before I can remember, I've always had this ability, or maybe a "gift", to take the good with the bad of the things I've been dealt and get back up, only faltering for just a moment. I nurture them, with kid gloves. Caress them, cuddle them, make peace with them...I learn from everything, and everyone, always allowing life's experiences to mold me, and shape me, into what I'm supposed to be in this life. Never, ever, taking for granted what I can learn from any one single thing, place or event. I've always been a survivor.... beautifully surviving.
But how could I learn from THIS?? From this monster of a life event? How? A husband who had done the unthinkable to my flesh and blood. I didn't understand, didn't understand these feelings I was being thrown... such a multitude of emotion, all over the place.... failing at my attempts to reel them in. Left in a place of total despair and disarray. A place, I was afraid, would render me completely frozen in time. Pain, aftermath, restraining orders, polygraphs, court and detectives, all the while frozen in my mind, only helping to make the colorless walls cave in faster in my soul. Is this really my life now? Not only can I not breathe, I can not even find the air thats supposed to enter into my lungs to begin with. Eventually, I did find that air. And it feels good to me now. As I type this today, I've re-read all the things I had written in those first days back in August, and I smile.... to myself, and to my family and friends. I've come along way. In life, and also in the past couple of months. I still do not know, what my day to day life will bring to me each morning when I arise. But I don't worry too terribly much, for I have no power to change them. And even if I did, I wouldn't. Because I'm a survivor....and I'm still surviving.
A week into the aftermath, a great friend told me: "Today, I'm taking you out of your box that you're in. Put all that crisis into that box, seal it up and leave it there, if only for today. I'm taking you out of it, and I'm not giving you a choice in the matter. Turn off your phone, leave it in the box as well. It will all still be there tomorrow, unchanged, and you can return to it then."
So I did. And I have to say, that single act was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Yet, it was the best advice I was given, and listened to. For whatever the reason, I did it. I left my pain, my thoughts, and my fears in that box. And suprisingly, the next day, when I returned to that beautiful painful box of hell, it occured to me that I didn't want back in... and damnit I haven't been back in since! Oh, I take it out every single day. I talk to it, hold it, touch it... make sure it's all still in there. But get back in that box of hell? Never again. Finally I am at peace. With myself, my mind and my soul. My words have been given back to me, and they are as beautiful and glorious as ever before. I have found my "place", and it's outside of that box.
And while I may have lost everything.....my life, my family, my marriage, my world, my life; in doing so, I have gained everything back in return and so much more. No, my life isn't easier, or the same. But it's still good; imperfectly marred, and insanely beautiful. Not only am I truly blessed for the things I've been through, the things that I've learned, and the things that I have now, but I am finally happy....and at peace. And even though yes, I'm surving life, I like to better desribe as LIVING IT, finally.....
and that? IS MY STORY!!!
"Elizabeth"
Editors note:
As of today, while writing this blog, I was informed that my phone is about to be turned off for lack of payment, my lovely husband elected retirement so as to not have to pay me hardly any child support/alimony, and my car insurance is also being canceled at the end of the month....Oh, and as winter is fast approaching, my heater just went out as well! Welcome to Hollywood, where dreams come true baby, dreams come true!
And yet, even still, I will learn from this, grow from this, remain true to my heart, and come out alive...and yes, I will still be living my life as I have always done in the past, now, and in the future. Now, anyone want to send me some money? Or maybe give me a job? I heard from some very knowledgable people, that I am an excellent writer :) oh yeah, I'm not joking... I need a damn job, and some help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm 36. Almost 37. And up until a few months ago, I thought I had my life pretty much figured out. I was seriously mistaken. I've lived a crazy and often chaotic life. Married for 14 years to a Master Sergeant in the United States Air Force, I have 2 kids, and 1 cat who thinks she's a dog. Currently, I'm going through a messy divorce as well. I've always been a writer. Words are beautiful to me, and I love being able to express myself through the written word. I just love how they sound. I see something on TV, read something in the news, or just hear a word or phrase coming out of a friends mouth, and before I know it.... Ive written 10 pages. And yes, I still use paper and pen. Old school.
But, I'm not here to talk about my writing. I'm here to tell my story: and this is it.....
I was molested at age 8, raped at 13; I guess you could say I've been through my fair share of pain. And you're right, I have. I was adpoted at birth, and my biological mother is a crack addicted, part time innmate. My real father, whom I never got the chance to meet, is deceased. I partied hard in school....which was my self medicated attempt at easing my pain, but only served to leave me scarred and a mother at 18 years old. But I'm a survivor....and I'm surviving.
Before marrying the man I'm currently divorcing, I was married once before to a cowboy punk who walked out on me one Christmas Day. I could have cried like everyone else, and honestly, I probably did shed a tear or two. But those tears weren't for the loss of a marraige, they were for the death of my child that I had just lost that same Christmas morning due to a miscarraige. No, the tears weren't for that cowboy, who just abandoned me and left me alone in my pain. They were for my unborn. But I'm a survivor.....and I'm still surviving.
Five miscarraiges later, and a new husband in the Air Force who I was supposed to grow old with, somehow I ended up in white picket fence suburbia.... with 2 children, a home, and a cat. I wasn't surviving any longer, I was "living". Thinking back now, and the lie it all became, I never fully expected my life to come crashing down on me the way that it did; so fast, and so hard. But it did, and miraculously, I still survived it.
It started off small. Little things, that although not easily overcome, were still somehow manageable. My daughter was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, my son with Autism. Between the 3 of us, we have life threatening allergies, heart conditions, and auto-immune disorders. We have a gastroenterologist, a cardiologist, an allergist, an opthamologist, a rheumotologist and an endocrinologist. And that's just to name a FEW! :) Yet, through it all, I simply "wrote". My thoughts to pen, my pen to paper. Letting those thoughts guide me through every turn, and every storm. I learned to turn inward, to rely on my own soul for wisdom, words and peace. Until August, it worked beautifully....we are survivors, and we are surviving.
But in August of 2009, while in the midst of planning a family move overseas to Japan with the military, I found out that my husband of 14 years had been molesting and abusing my daughter for 11 years. Life, as I knew it, came screeching do a dead halt. I lost my soul. I lost my family. I lost my strength, and for the first time, I also lost my words. Then, as fate would have it, I lost my job as well. I became blank. Void. Empty. Scarred, and terrified beyond measure. Grieving over a life I once had, but one that had been stripped away from me in a fraction of a second. Never to return again. My entire life was a lie, and now even the LIE was gone. And so I begin to ask myself, AM I really and truly a survivor? Because I'm losing my will to survive....
Since before I can remember, I've always had this ability, or maybe a "gift", to take the good with the bad of the things I've been dealt and get back up, only faltering for just a moment. I nurture them, with kid gloves. Caress them, cuddle them, make peace with them...I learn from everything, and everyone, always allowing life's experiences to mold me, and shape me, into what I'm supposed to be in this life. Never, ever, taking for granted what I can learn from any one single thing, place or event. I've always been a survivor.... beautifully surviving.
But how could I learn from THIS?? From this monster of a life event? How? A husband who had done the unthinkable to my flesh and blood. I didn't understand, didn't understand these feelings I was being thrown... such a multitude of emotion, all over the place.... failing at my attempts to reel them in. Left in a place of total despair and disarray. A place, I was afraid, would render me completely frozen in time. Pain, aftermath, restraining orders, polygraphs, court and detectives, all the while frozen in my mind, only helping to make the colorless walls cave in faster in my soul. Is this really my life now? Not only can I not breathe, I can not even find the air thats supposed to enter into my lungs to begin with. Eventually, I did find that air. And it feels good to me now. As I type this today, I've re-read all the things I had written in those first days back in August, and I smile.... to myself, and to my family and friends. I've come along way. In life, and also in the past couple of months. I still do not know, what my day to day life will bring to me each morning when I arise. But I don't worry too terribly much, for I have no power to change them. And even if I did, I wouldn't. Because I'm a survivor....and I'm still surviving.
A week into the aftermath, a great friend told me: "Today, I'm taking you out of your box that you're in. Put all that crisis into that box, seal it up and leave it there, if only for today. I'm taking you out of it, and I'm not giving you a choice in the matter. Turn off your phone, leave it in the box as well. It will all still be there tomorrow, unchanged, and you can return to it then."
So I did. And I have to say, that single act was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Yet, it was the best advice I was given, and listened to. For whatever the reason, I did it. I left my pain, my thoughts, and my fears in that box. And suprisingly, the next day, when I returned to that beautiful painful box of hell, it occured to me that I didn't want back in... and damnit I haven't been back in since! Oh, I take it out every single day. I talk to it, hold it, touch it... make sure it's all still in there. But get back in that box of hell? Never again. Finally I am at peace. With myself, my mind and my soul. My words have been given back to me, and they are as beautiful and glorious as ever before. I have found my "place", and it's outside of that box.
And while I may have lost everything.....my life, my family, my marriage, my world, my life; in doing so, I have gained everything back in return and so much more. No, my life isn't easier, or the same. But it's still good; imperfectly marred, and insanely beautiful. Not only am I truly blessed for the things I've been through, the things that I've learned, and the things that I have now, but I am finally happy....and at peace. And even though yes, I'm surving life, I like to better desribe as LIVING IT, finally.....
and that? IS MY STORY!!!
"Elizabeth"
Editors note:
As of today, while writing this blog, I was informed that my phone is about to be turned off for lack of payment, my lovely husband elected retirement so as to not have to pay me hardly any child support/alimony, and my car insurance is also being canceled at the end of the month....Oh, and as winter is fast approaching, my heater just went out as well! Welcome to Hollywood, where dreams come true baby, dreams come true!
And yet, even still, I will learn from this, grow from this, remain true to my heart, and come out alive...and yes, I will still be living my life as I have always done in the past, now, and in the future. Now, anyone want to send me some money? Or maybe give me a job? I heard from some very knowledgable people, that I am an excellent writer :) oh yeah, I'm not joking... I need a damn job, and some help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Advertising Slogans Turned On
Look, I don't pretend to understand or know exactly how my mind operates. I make no excuses for my vulgarity and my over-the-top writing. Topics and/or style. It is what it is, and I am what I am. Seriously, I don't know where the hell this stuff comes from. I've tried for years to figure out my brain..... with no luck. People say, "Don't ever stop writing!", "You're so freaking funny, you make me laugh!" - but the truth of the matter is, I really doubt they know just how twisted my mind really is!! But hey, I can't stop these creative juices from flowing......
Earlier, I was wondering (and reading labels while in the bathtub, yeah, I admit it! I'm a label reader!) And well, it got me thinking....(shut up) But as I was reading said labels, it occured to me that maybe I'm not the only sick fucker in the world!! Cuz lookie lookie what I FOUND!! Read on.....
13. Pledge - "Did you know that Pledge is great for shining and polishing wood?"
.....(I can think of a few other things that do that as well, just sayin...)
14. Milk - "It Does A Body Good"
.....(I don't care for Milk, but I'm always down for ANYTHING that does a body good! Mine, yours, whomever's!!!)
15. Beef - "It's Whats For Dinner"
.....(Yeah, you right baby! I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
16. Chick-Fil-A - "Eat. Mor. Chicken."
.....(no, no, NO!! Go back to number FIFTEEN!!!!!!)
Again, I apologize for my deviant, twisted, but FUNNY mind!!
Elizabeth
Earlier, I was wondering (and reading labels while in the bathtub, yeah, I admit it! I'm a label reader!) And well, it got me thinking....(shut up) But as I was reading said labels, it occured to me that maybe I'm not the only sick fucker in the world!! Cuz lookie lookie what I FOUND!! Read on.....
ADVERTISING SLOGANS THAT, WELL....TURN ME ON!!!!!
1. Pert Shampoo - "Crazy Good Hair, Without All The Craziness"
.....(I'll take 3 of these to go, but I want the craziness part left in!!)
2. Got2B Blow Out Lotion - "This blow out lotion is Heaven on Earth. It doesn't get any HOTTER!"
.....(this one's referring to me, actually...just sayin.)
3. Caress Body Wash - "Showering with Caress will be like wrapping yourself in a silky soft pashima, surrounded by the exotic blend of white orchid milk and warm vanilla essence. Lather, breathe in and relax. Ignore all knocks at the door.
.....(F a bunch of ignoring knocks!!!! After this, come the hell on in and take me!!!!!)
4. Top Care Nail Files - "Using the pink buffer side, "stroke back and forth" to smooth ridges. Step 1 and 2 are only necessary every 2 weeks"
.....(um.... yea. I do step one and two DAILY, THANKS!!!)
5. Pantene Smoothing Conditioner - "Comb through with fingers, beginning at the ends and.....work your way up. Repeat as desired."
.....(I think the folks at Pantene are slightly confused, because...THIS IS FOREPLAY TO ME!!!!!)
6. Axe Body Spray - "Twist open top to reveal "nozzle". Spray all over body, to leave you smelling great all day, any day, anytime!"
.....(Baby? Can I twist your "nozzle" anytime, any place, any day, to leave you smelling great?)
7. Crest Toothpaste - "If more is used than for brushing teeth, and is swallowed, seek medical attention immediately."
.....(I'm totally down with ANYTHING that says call EMS if too much is swallowed....just sayin!)
8. Baby Powder - "Absorbs excess wetness to keep you smooth and fresh."
.....(niccccce!!)
9. Hydrogen Peroxide - "If using in the mouth, dilute with water. Swish around in the mouth, then spit out!"
.....(Oh HELL yeah!!!!! Let's do THIS!!!!!!!!!)
10. Bed Head After Party Lotion - "The Perfect Party Favor! Smooth on, and Party Down!"
.....(Effing freaks...myself included! I love this shit!)
11. Rusk Strong Hold Hairspray - "Contains Thermaplex. Which activates with heat to provide shine and control from the inside out!"
.....(I'm really loving this whole "from the inside out" business... these people are on to something!!!)
12. Rusk Gel FX - "A non-greasy formula that defines, directs and slicks! Hair brushes easily and springs back, full bodied and completely touchable!"
.....(seriously, I just LOVE stuff that "springs back"!! TOP OF THE LIST!!!!)
13. Pledge - "Did you know that Pledge is great for shining and polishing wood?"
.....(I can think of a few other things that do that as well, just sayin...)
14. Milk - "It Does A Body Good"
.....(I don't care for Milk, but I'm always down for ANYTHING that does a body good! Mine, yours, whomever's!!!)
15. Beef - "It's Whats For Dinner"
.....(Yeah, you right baby! I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
16. Chick-Fil-A - "Eat. Mor. Chicken."
.....(no, no, NO!! Go back to number FIFTEEN!!!!!!)
Again, I apologize for my deviant, twisted, but FUNNY mind!!
Elizabeth
Spam Fun For ALL!! (or just me probably)
So today, being bored and unemployed and all.... I decided to clean out my AOL spam folder. But after reading through all the Subjects, I couldnt resist but to share it all with you. And of course, I must absolutely add in my own reflections on each one. Read on, my eager fans... read on. (and YES, each and every one of these, are actually what was sent to me)
1. $299 for 7 nights, 5 day - Sale! (sweet! I could really use a vacation! too bad it didnt say WHERE....bummer, sorry bastards)
2. Help With College Financial Aid? (thanks! I'll take all of it!)
3. Meet Me Tonight...I'm Married, Lonely and Sexually Frustrated! (yea, me too buddy, get the hell in line....)
4. Bowel Cleansing Trial, FREE! (whaaaa??? sign me up Scotty!!!!!!)
5. Military Report: Stoploss Compensation (what an outrage, I'm calling Congress right friggin NOW!)
6. We Have Anti Anxiety Medications! (are you damn psychic? send them to me!)
7. How Would You Like 10lbs of Delicious Bacon? (wtf? Send me 50!!)
8. 1 Carat Diamond Rings, 97% off (this is a trick, isn't it?)
9. Liz, Important Info on Paxil Users (about FRIGGIN time!!)
10. Liz, Add 3 Inches To Your Dick! (thanks... how'd you know?)
11. Viagra, Xanax, Valium, Codeine, Vicodin and Lithium are Yours, No Prescription! (WOO HOO! yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ALL freaking mine too!!!)
12. Do You Need Help In Bed? (gee, Im sorry, you'll have to ask my boyfriend about that...)
13. How Long Is Yours?? (how long is YOURS? I'll tell you if you tell me!)
14. Codeine Is Available At Your Fingertips... (so is my man...)
15. Our Records Indicate You Have Financial Aid Waiting! (Great! What's the damn hold up??)
16. ALL Your Favorite Medications Are Here, Liz! (no shit, ALL of them???)
17. Premium Business Cards, Only 1 Penny Each (which would come in handy, if I had a JOB)
18. Great Weightloss Medications! (just what every anorexic yearns for!!)
19. Serious Injuries Reported From Certain Birth Control Pills! (whew...glad I dont use THOSE! Birth Control injuries are freakin JACKED UP!)
20. Killer Prices at DFW (what the F do they kill? Planes or people??)
21. Use and Keep a Dell Laptop Computer (no thanks, I gotta Dell...and its a VIRALLY INFECTED PIECE OF SHIT! Give that crap to another victim...)
22. We Have Weightloss and Pain Meds for YOU, Liz! (oh well hell, why didnt you mention the pain part earlier? send me some!)
23. Anne, Scratch Beneath The Surface (Ima scratch your eye balls out for using my first name... just sayin. And the only thing this bitch scratches, is my boyfriend's back. Again, just sayin....)
24. View This Life Changing Breakthrough! (is it a job????)
25. You Have Received A Halloween Card! Click Here To Send One Back (NO?)
26. U Like It? I DO! (YES!!!!!!!!!!)
27. Mans Will Lov Thiss! (I think "mans" will love your English ability better)
28. Do You Need Help Falling Asleep At Night? (ohhhh...I do NOW!)
Much love,
Elizabeth :)
1. $299 for 7 nights, 5 day - Sale! (sweet! I could really use a vacation! too bad it didnt say WHERE....bummer, sorry bastards)
2. Help With College Financial Aid? (thanks! I'll take all of it!)
3. Meet Me Tonight...I'm Married, Lonely and Sexually Frustrated! (yea, me too buddy, get the hell in line....)
4. Bowel Cleansing Trial, FREE! (whaaaa??? sign me up Scotty!!!!!!)
5. Military Report: Stoploss Compensation (what an outrage, I'm calling Congress right friggin NOW!)
6. We Have Anti Anxiety Medications! (are you damn psychic? send them to me!)
7. How Would You Like 10lbs of Delicious Bacon? (wtf? Send me 50!!)
8. 1 Carat Diamond Rings, 97% off (this is a trick, isn't it?)
9. Liz, Important Info on Paxil Users (about FRIGGIN time!!)
10. Liz, Add 3 Inches To Your Dick! (thanks... how'd you know?)
11. Viagra, Xanax, Valium, Codeine, Vicodin and Lithium are Yours, No Prescription! (WOO HOO! yeah baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ALL freaking mine too!!!)
12. Do You Need Help In Bed? (gee, Im sorry, you'll have to ask my boyfriend about that...)
13. How Long Is Yours?? (how long is YOURS? I'll tell you if you tell me!)
14. Codeine Is Available At Your Fingertips... (so is my man...)
15. Our Records Indicate You Have Financial Aid Waiting! (Great! What's the damn hold up??)
16. ALL Your Favorite Medications Are Here, Liz! (no shit, ALL of them???)
17. Premium Business Cards, Only 1 Penny Each (which would come in handy, if I had a JOB)
18. Great Weightloss Medications! (just what every anorexic yearns for!!)
19. Serious Injuries Reported From Certain Birth Control Pills! (whew...glad I dont use THOSE! Birth Control injuries are freakin JACKED UP!)
20. Killer Prices at DFW (what the F do they kill? Planes or people??)
21. Use and Keep a Dell Laptop Computer (no thanks, I gotta Dell...and its a VIRALLY INFECTED PIECE OF SHIT! Give that crap to another victim...)
22. We Have Weightloss and Pain Meds for YOU, Liz! (oh well hell, why didnt you mention the pain part earlier? send me some!)
23. Anne, Scratch Beneath The Surface (Ima scratch your eye balls out for using my first name... just sayin. And the only thing this bitch scratches, is my boyfriend's back. Again, just sayin....)
24. View This Life Changing Breakthrough! (is it a job????)
25. You Have Received A Halloween Card! Click Here To Send One Back (NO?)
26. U Like It? I DO! (YES!!!!!!!!!!)
27. Mans Will Lov Thiss! (I think "mans" will love your English ability better)
28. Do You Need Help Falling Asleep At Night? (ohhhh...I do NOW!)
Much love,
Elizabeth :)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
"Feel Goods"...Facebook Style
Having a mind that just won't quit can sometimes be a nuisance. Having a mind that is creative and twisted beyond measure is worse. Add in sarcasm and a passion for dramatical shock value with the written word? Welcome to my mind...
This day and age, there isn't a single person I know who doesn't use some type of social networking site. Except for this one guy named Jason... because he's afraid his wife will cut his throat. But this blog isn't about Jason. It's about Face Book; and my top list of things you can do on it to make you feel better. If you aren't a member of Face Book, don't read any further. You won't understand, just sayin. I've come up with a list, of certain things you can do on Face Book that are guaranteed to brighten your day, or make you feel better when you've been wronged. I'll just jump right in, here they are:
1. "Like" Your Own Status:
(this is purely for fun, and good for a laugh and has nothing to do with being "wronged", but it's terribly funny so I'm including it as things to do) "Status Liking", I feel, is just a cop out excuse for leaving a real comment. No effort involved, no brain use required. One simple click of the mouse. But to turn the tables on the like button, try this: After every single status update you post, turn around and "like" your own status. Everytime!! It's a double whammy in the world of self love. We obviously like what we post, but to turn around and "like" it as well, shows some serious extra conceited self love and arrogance! So go ahead, and "like" your own status update. Every single time.You'll feel better!
2. Face Book Killing:
This is actually a new concept, (and yea ok, stolen from a friend....you know the one) but I have to admit, it's just too sweet and classic to not utilize. Often! When anyone, whether an actual friend or just a virtual friend does something to piss you off... kill them; on Face Book. If someone posts something you don't agree with... threaten to kill them; on Face Book. When someone posts something so horribly stupid, and just isn't to your liking... tell them how ignorant they are, and then kill them; on Face Book. Example: someone posts an update that makes you seethe in anger. Someone says horrible things about you to other Face Book friends. Don't take that bull, just simply do this: Leave them a comment stating, "Do you know how (insert inappropriate adjective here) you are? I simple will not be your 'friend' any longer, you're an idiot, and an ASS! Consider yourself assassinated, because I just killed you... on Face Book!" - then delete them. You just performed a Face Book killing, well done my friend, well done.
3. Face Book Divorce:
Mad at your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, etc? Try this classic trick! Go into your display settings, and select the box allowing your relationship status changes to be made available for everyone to see when there's been a change. Without informing your mate, just point blank "cancel the realationship". Carry on with your day to day activities, and say nothing to him or her about it. And for pete's sake, do not delete them (yet) You want them to be blind sided when they see it... and they will. And so will everyone else on Face Book :) The next time they log in and visit your page, probably to leave you some little romantic "I Love You" wall post, they'll notice that you have "canceled the relationship", TWO WEEKS AGO! Congratulations, you just divorced your spouse; on Face Book. Now you can delete them...
4. Face Book Stalking:
Maybe you have a stalker in your midst. Someone who is getting all up in your Face Book business? Repeating your personal info to people that you just don't want told? It may take a little digging, but it won't be hard. Your traitor is obviously someone on your friends list, just use the process of elimination. You'll figure out a name soon enough. Once you have a name, post the following as your status update: "John Q. Stalker is a traitor and a backstabbing little pansy freaking punk. His telephone # is (318) 465-9771 and his address is 200 Timber Falls Drive, Longview TX 75605..." Be sure to also include specific info telling exactly what this idiot has done to you and how you would like for your "real" friends to let him know how sorry he is as well...they can use the data listed to do just that. Tell them that in the post. Just remember to keep it under 420 characters, it's all you get. Bravo! You have just publicly outed and humiliated your stalker; on Face Book! The tables have been turned, now delete him...
5. The Face Book "Coup de Gras":
- a Face Book "ban", so to speak.
After every bad Face Book behavior, which has damaged, embarrassed, or hurt you in some form... you've completed a killing, the break up, posted their phone and address online, and performed a deletion. Now it's time to finish them off. Do the following: Find a picture of your harasser. (look around in your personal photos, your friends albums, etc.) Copy and save the image to your PC. Open whatever photo editing progam you have installed, and embellish the picture by drawing (or using paint) a large circle over their face. Add a diagonal line through the middle, to resemble a "ban" symbol. Preferrably using a bright color, such as red or orange to get the full effect. Log into your Face Book account, and upload the picture. Now set it as your default! You're almost done, start getting excited now! Make a new status post, to reflect the new image you're using, telling everyone who it is (and yea, use their name) and exactly what they did to you. After this is completed, and your page and status post is done, do this: send the "banned" picture to every one of your friends, and have them do the same. (your "true" friends won't hesitate... if any do, they are NOT your friend...start back up at the top of this list, and get busy) I give you a 100% guarantee, this person will get the lesson, and learn it well. (which would be - they can mess with anyone they like, it just won't ever be YOU again!!) This is the ultimate Face Book slam, you just virtually and visually "banned" your agressor; on Face Book! And now so did all of your friends :)
Happy Facebooking!!! :)
This day and age, there isn't a single person I know who doesn't use some type of social networking site. Except for this one guy named Jason... because he's afraid his wife will cut his throat. But this blog isn't about Jason. It's about Face Book; and my top list of things you can do on it to make you feel better. If you aren't a member of Face Book, don't read any further. You won't understand, just sayin. I've come up with a list, of certain things you can do on Face Book that are guaranteed to brighten your day, or make you feel better when you've been wronged. I'll just jump right in, here they are:
1. "Like" Your Own Status:
(this is purely for fun, and good for a laugh and has nothing to do with being "wronged", but it's terribly funny so I'm including it as things to do) "Status Liking", I feel, is just a cop out excuse for leaving a real comment. No effort involved, no brain use required. One simple click of the mouse. But to turn the tables on the like button, try this: After every single status update you post, turn around and "like" your own status. Everytime!! It's a double whammy in the world of self love. We obviously like what we post, but to turn around and "like" it as well, shows some serious extra conceited self love and arrogance! So go ahead, and "like" your own status update. Every single time.You'll feel better!
2. Face Book Killing:
This is actually a new concept, (and yea ok, stolen from a friend....you know the one) but I have to admit, it's just too sweet and classic to not utilize. Often! When anyone, whether an actual friend or just a virtual friend does something to piss you off... kill them; on Face Book. If someone posts something you don't agree with... threaten to kill them; on Face Book. When someone posts something so horribly stupid, and just isn't to your liking... tell them how ignorant they are, and then kill them; on Face Book. Example: someone posts an update that makes you seethe in anger. Someone says horrible things about you to other Face Book friends. Don't take that bull, just simply do this: Leave them a comment stating, "Do you know how (insert inappropriate adjective here) you are? I simple will not be your 'friend' any longer, you're an idiot, and an ASS! Consider yourself assassinated, because I just killed you... on Face Book!" - then delete them. You just performed a Face Book killing, well done my friend, well done.
3. Face Book Divorce:
Mad at your boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, etc? Try this classic trick! Go into your display settings, and select the box allowing your relationship status changes to be made available for everyone to see when there's been a change. Without informing your mate, just point blank "cancel the realationship". Carry on with your day to day activities, and say nothing to him or her about it. And for pete's sake, do not delete them (yet) You want them to be blind sided when they see it... and they will. And so will everyone else on Face Book :) The next time they log in and visit your page, probably to leave you some little romantic "I Love You" wall post, they'll notice that you have "canceled the relationship", TWO WEEKS AGO! Congratulations, you just divorced your spouse; on Face Book. Now you can delete them...
4. Face Book Stalking:
Maybe you have a stalker in your midst. Someone who is getting all up in your Face Book business? Repeating your personal info to people that you just don't want told? It may take a little digging, but it won't be hard. Your traitor is obviously someone on your friends list, just use the process of elimination. You'll figure out a name soon enough. Once you have a name, post the following as your status update: "John Q. Stalker is a traitor and a backstabbing little pansy freaking punk. His telephone # is (318) 465-9771 and his address is 200 Timber Falls Drive, Longview TX 75605..." Be sure to also include specific info telling exactly what this idiot has done to you and how you would like for your "real" friends to let him know how sorry he is as well...they can use the data listed to do just that. Tell them that in the post. Just remember to keep it under 420 characters, it's all you get. Bravo! You have just publicly outed and humiliated your stalker; on Face Book! The tables have been turned, now delete him...
5. The Face Book "Coup de Gras":
- a Face Book "ban", so to speak.
After every bad Face Book behavior, which has damaged, embarrassed, or hurt you in some form... you've completed a killing, the break up, posted their phone and address online, and performed a deletion. Now it's time to finish them off. Do the following: Find a picture of your harasser. (look around in your personal photos, your friends albums, etc.) Copy and save the image to your PC. Open whatever photo editing progam you have installed, and embellish the picture by drawing (or using paint) a large circle over their face. Add a diagonal line through the middle, to resemble a "ban" symbol. Preferrably using a bright color, such as red or orange to get the full effect. Log into your Face Book account, and upload the picture. Now set it as your default! You're almost done, start getting excited now! Make a new status post, to reflect the new image you're using, telling everyone who it is (and yea, use their name) and exactly what they did to you. After this is completed, and your page and status post is done, do this: send the "banned" picture to every one of your friends, and have them do the same. (your "true" friends won't hesitate... if any do, they are NOT your friend...start back up at the top of this list, and get busy) I give you a 100% guarantee, this person will get the lesson, and learn it well. (which would be - they can mess with anyone they like, it just won't ever be YOU again!!) This is the ultimate Face Book slam, you just virtually and visually "banned" your agressor; on Face Book! And now so did all of your friends :)
Happy Facebooking!!! :)
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